Episode 43: Choose to Heal and Thrive in 2021

It is 2021. It has been almost one year since this podcast started. The first episode aired on January 20, of 2020. And here we are in season two in year two, and there is so much ahead so much in store. So what are we going to do with 2021? How are we going to make this year, something that is helpful to us and that is healing and that we choose into doing the work we need so that we can thrive in our life. It's completely up to us because as we know, we can't control any of our surroundings, we can't control the world, or what happens or other people or their choices that they make, we can only control us.

That's the only thing that we even can make a decision about. So as we talk today, I'm going to share with you what's going to be happening this year, and what is coming up in the near future as far as Choose In. And all the things that I have to offer for you of the questions that I get. Everything I create is in regards to what you ask for what my clients share with me what I get the most calls about. I'm here to help you and guide you because I had that same thing. So first, I want to talk about the retreat that's coming up.

It is April 8 through 11th. It's in Harriman, Utah, which is just outside of Salt Lake City. And the reason I want to start with this is because I have been putting together the speaker lineup. And I feel like I'm going to explode with excitement. Our last retreat that we had in September, maybe you were there, maybe you are planning on coming to this next one, if not just listen, and maybe think about whether or not this is for you. But the last one was so fun, powerful. And we had the greatest speakers because they were two of my favorite counselors. They were people that I knew people that I had used. And I felt super connected to them because of my experience.

Now these people that are going to be speaking at this one, I know them only because I've attended their classes, their seminars, I've been at conferences where they have spoken. And I've read their books. And so it's like, these people are powerful. They were pivotal in my healing and in my recovery. And so I was so excited when they were available and that they could speak at this upcoming retreat. So who is this retreat for? People ask me that who goes to this retreat. This is a women's only retreat. Now I do have things coming up that will include men, but this right here is for women only. It's a healing our heart retreat.

It is for anything that you feel that you just want to thrive in your life, you want to move forward, you want to recover. It could be from betrayal trauma, because your spouse is an addict or infidelity it can be because you have children that are no longer with you, either from death or from their own life choices. This can be healing because of trauma from your childhood, or relationships with your parents or other family members. This can be because you don't know how to stand your ground. You don't know how to do boundaries, and you don't know how to protect yourself in your relationships. This is not only for somebody who was married or is married to somebody that struggles with pornography addiction.

This is for all of us who want to thrive and want to heal our heart and learn better skills to do that. So at this retreat, it's a three night event. And we are going to have our speakers right. Let me introduce them to you just a little bit. Maurice Harker, let me just tell you about him. He runs life changing services. He has done so many different programs that help men, women, youth, with the struggle of addiction or anything that is harmful to them. He's written books, I've attended his seminars and he gave me the first piece of information that I even realized I needed to heal. Back in 2013. I went to a conference It was called the togetherness project.

And it was very For all women who had spouses that were struggling with addiction, pornography addiction, sex addiction, and this was a betrayal trauma conference. So I went here, I'm listening to Murrice's talk, and he's talking about the importance of our own personal healing as the spouse as the wife as the woman. And I'm thinking, Okay, wait, what it was the first time I even add the clue that I had to do my own healing. I was in 12 step recovery group for that year before to help my husband heal to learn how to help him heal.

And even though in that class, in that group, that 12 step group, I realized, Oh, I'm hurting, I need to get through these things. I didn't realize that my healing was separate from my husband's that I had to choose into doing this, this specific work, to be able to heal my heart, my soul, my brain, the way I thought, my beliefs, my behaviors of trying to fix him, and navigate his recovery. And he gave me that piece, it was like this light bulb went off of, Okay, I have to do my own healing. And he said something about, you need to just in case your spouse doesn't heal.

doesn't choose recovery. If you find yourself in a situation where you are a single parent, or on your own, do you have your wagon packed? I thought my wagon packed? What in the world are you talking about? He went on to just empower women, talking about how you need your own way of living, you need to have money set aside, you should not feel trapped. Now I know many of you are probably thinking, Okay, I feel trapped right now, I can't get out. I don't have the money to leave. He talked about how you prepare that, how you can look outside and figure out what you need to do to pack your wagon.

So you can go, because nobody should be stuck in a situation because of finances. If you are in an unhealthy environment, in an abusive situation, you need to be able to have that opportunity to leave. He talked about that. And so it gave me that first clue I also mentioned and another episode about how you know, when it's time to divorce, I got that from that class as well. Somebody had asked that question, and I wasn't even in that place at all, I thought for sure we were gonna make it. And that's when he talked about that tree. And I'll just repeat it really quick for any of you who have not listened to that one.

Or if you just need the reminder that he said something similar to life is like a tree. As your spouse does things that go against marriage and family, a leaf falls off. And one day you wake up and all the leaves have fallen, the last leaf has fallen. Then, you know, that actually happened to me. And in that class when she said that it hit me really hard. And even though I didn't think that that was going to be my situation. As I watched my life unfold over that next year, it was in fact, what was going to happen. And I knew and it felt good to know it was almost like God's way of giving me that tender mercy beforehand.

So that when it was happening, I could recognize that this was okay. That it was okay that the decision was that I had to leave that he was showing me his choices of not doing the work. And therefore, my wagon was packed and it was time for me to go. very empowering, very safe feeling. Even though I was doing something unknown, it was still safe. So he's one of our speakers. Adam Moore is another one Adam is another one that I went to his class at the togetherness project. I'm not sure if it was the first year I went to that.

But the next year I did I've heard him speak a couple of times. And he is kind of famous in the world of betrayal trauma. He is one of the leading counselors in Utah Valley in Las Vegas. And they have a whole they have a bunch of offices and so many therapists in their group, he trains them all. But he has this way of being so inviting, so enthusiastic about our healing. He wants us to heal He wants us to thrive. And I've heard countless testimonials from other women who have used him as their counselor and they just love him. Rhyll Crowshaw.

Rhyll Crowshaw is a woman that I met again at a conference and have talked with her since but she wrote a book about her experience being married to an addict. They both talked about their story. He ended up choosing recovery and healing and they're still together now and they run say lifeline. Her book is called What can I do about him and the him has crossed out and then it says me because she knows how important it is to do your own healing work that you cannot change another person. But as you change yourself, you know more of what to do.

You know how to take action and what that looks like, and the fear leaves because you feel grounded in your decisions. At this retreat, this is something I learned from the last one, we needed something to ground us, we had so much information, there was so much vulnerability of everybody's sharing stories and their heartache and their their love and everything that we needed some grounding meditation. So I'm implementing that into this one. And we have Holly Lambert coming who is a specialist in guided meditation, and she is going to teach two classes.

One, our first morning that we wake up. And she's, of course, going to show us how to open up and allow all these new things that are coming in that we're going to learn. And then she's going to come back the night before we leave. And she's going to do a meditation technique where we will be able to absorb what we've learned so that we have clarity so that we're not leaving with so much information that we have a crash.

Because sometimes when you come to something where you are overloaded with all this awesome stuff, you almost come out of it going, Okay, now what do I do with all of it, so she's going to help us absorb it, and get grounded so that we can leave with clarity and knowing our direction of how we can thrive and move forward in our own life with our own goals of what it is that we're trying to achieve. This information is up on the website, as well as on Instagram on my social media. So if you go follow that, you'll continue to be up to date on all of it.

There's early registration pricing that ends February 8. So if you want to go go online, get registered, or send me an email if you have any questions about that. But I hope to see you there, I loved meeting people last time, this place will hold about 25. And we already have registrations coming in. So as soon as it's full, it's full. So set that on your calendar for April 8 through 11th. Okay, so now, something else that's coming up, I get so many questions about dating after divorce. So I'm creating right now a dating after divorce workshop.

This has been in my mind for the past number of weeks before Christmas. And it's finally just kind of come together like this is so important. I'm getting just so many reservations, people feeling like they're not sure the the chaos of dating because there are so many red flags out there. And we just want to feel good about it, we just want to know that we're, we're moving forward in the right direction, how to go about doing it. And so this course that we're going to be having is going to talk about those things, it's also going to give you guys an opportunity to talk with one another, go do some homework, do some practicing on either writing things out or even going on a date.

And then coming back. And we're going to talk through things we're going to talk through what things look like, what our belief system is what we need to clear what we need to notice, so that you can find the person that you're looking for, so that you can feel good being out there in the dating world. So you don't have to fear it, so that you know your direction, because you want to stay true to you. So that's super exciting. That'll be coming out in just a few weeks. So watch for that as well. This course this workshop is for both men and women.

There are a lot of men that are also in the same situation that I was in with trying to date trying to find the right person that doesn't want to go through all the mess of it that's out there. And they want to find a truly good person that is living their same values. And having those same goals in mind, not just to meet up for a fling and that's it, they want value and they want commitment and they want connection. So this is for both, and I'm super excited about it. It's gonna be really fun to discuss with you in a zoom group format, how to go about doing this so that you feel can feel at peace and have a good time.

So now let me explain to you my sessions and what mentoring is and what it is not. So as you know, I'm not a licensed clinician. What I offer is the 1000s of hours that I spent using the tools doing the therapy work, reading the books, practicing everything I learned, I actually took what they told me and did it that doesn't always happen. But for me, I'm like hey, you tell me what it is. I promise you I will do it. I want to list of how to feel better, get better and heal. I can't live like this. The chaos was just killing me. I just, Oh, I just it just ate at me.

I just wanted to know how to do it. And so even though, my therapist can't give me a list. I still took every tool available, which you hear in my podcast, and I did energy work and EMDR, and parts work and saw therapist and went to 12, step right, all these different things, every person is different on what they actually need. But I took each one of those things, and try to do it to my best ability to the fullest. I wanted healing. And because I did that, I've learned so many skills and tools. So I work alongside of a therapist.

Some of you have had therapy, and it's awesome. And I love therapy. And you also want to talk to somebody. So I'm the person that you talk to, that walks you through that question some of your belief systems or how you're doing something, or that encourages you on the path to go that gives you tools and metaphors on healing and what that looks like. I'm the one who knows, because I did it. I walked through it all, I experienced all of this pain. And even though our stories may be slightly different pain and betrayal and heartache and loss, whether it's a spouse or children or family members, all of it has to heal in some form in the same way.

So I've walked alongside you, helping you create new pathways in your brain with new belief systems so that you can let go of anything you were doing before that wasn't serving you. Were you trying to fix somebody were you trying to coddle and, and take care of were you trying to prevent hard things from happening to other people? Have you experienced a loss, or betrayal or infidelity or any of those things, then that's why people use me. So if you notice on my website, you'll see that there is a getting acquainted call, it's a 20 minute free session, that 20 minutes is for you to see if I am a person that would be good for you on your team.

You'll know inspiration will tell you your body, your gut will tell you hey, I like what she has to say. I like working with her. I like what her podcast said, It spoke to me I felt like I was her. When you feel those nudges. That's because I understand. And I'm here for you. So when we have that 20 minute call, you can ask me a question, you can share your story, you can do whatever you want to do so that you can see if I could help you in your journey, because that's really what I want.

In 2014. Before my marriage was ending, I was in my closet on my floor pleading and just saying I cannot even do this. And if I have to do this, please let me help just at least one person, so they do not have to do this alone. And gratefully, that became my life's work. And I love it so much. Every single day, at the end of the day, my husband will say to me, so how was your day? I love it. I just love it so much. How were your clients today, I just love each one of them so much. I say that every single day. I love you guys, I think it is amazing to work with you and be by your side.

And do this with you. So you don't have to do it alone. So if you're ready to dive deep into something that is either holding you back, maybe you were like me and you just found out that you have to heal your yourself that you have to stay in your own lane on your own path to heal and you can't make someone else do it. Reach out schedule a call. If you need help with boundaries, learning how to do them how to say them, reach out schedule a call.

If you are not sure how to get through the heartache of everything, your spouse is choosing recovery, or whatever the issues were or kind of resolving but you feel stuck in sadness and pain and resentment. Reach out schedule a call, whatever it is that you're going through. If you feel that thing inside that says this might be the right direction, schedule the call, if you've already had a call with me, and you've just been unsure of whether or not to commit to a session, but you keep feeling that tug.

Try it just schedule one. The other thing about paying for recovery, healing, like therapy or mentorships, or programs or workshops, as sometimes we feel like we can't afford that. I can't afford that. Let me tell you though, there's something about the way we shift our mind into doing the things that we need to do. Because our alternative is I can choose these things to do for my healing, but now I feel like I don't have enough money or I can just not choose them. And just keep going along the way it is we can do that. And at times.

We do But we usually reach a point, if we're doing any recovery work at all, where we've been listening to podcasts or reading books, or attending a group of some kind, and so are our natural, our body, our brain, our heart is progressing anyway. And so we want the rest of us to come along, hey, we want to learn more about that piece of healing, we need new techniques for that. And we're kind of guided to find these new things. So when we're in that place of feeling like we can't afford it, the brain shift in our mind can be different.

We don't have to be in the mindset of scarcity, we can be in an abundant mindset, which means we switch it to what can I do to afford these things? What options do I have, so that I can allow these things into my life so that I can feel peace and happiness, it shifts the way our body feels, it shifts our way of feeling like a victim, and it opens up to opportunity. If it's the right thing for you, you can figure out a way somehow, some way. Add that to your prayers add to your prayers, asking God if he will show you what things are for you, in your recovery. What do you need? Do you need a therapy session with somebody?

Do you need a mentor? Do you need a coach? Do you need a group? Can you get everything you need from something free like a podcast or a 12 step group? Is there anything else you need to add in and then say I want to be open to the possibility that if you tell me, I need something that costs money, I want you to help me understand and show me how I can do that and how I can afford it. And what is it that I can do because I promise you as you open up that way with possibility.

Ideas pop into your brain of what can happen or somebody will say something, and it will happen. Either way, if you don't feel like it's time, there's always free content out there. If you do feel it's time, take the step. And whoever that is, if you need to find an energy worker, go do it. If you need to get yourself back into therapy, do it. If you need to schedule a session with me do it. All of those things are working together for your good. God brings those things to you into your path. So he can show you the way. The only thing we have to do when he does that is take the step and follow. That's it scary. But it feels good, feels good to change.

It feels good to thrive. And with the new year we get to decide and be anything we want. We can choose healing if we want. We can stay in suffering if we want. If you have questions or concerns, reach out. So as far as the rest of the year goes, this podcast is going to continue to bring you truth, it's going to bring reality. I'm always going to share raw things, experiences, hard things, truthful things, things that might hit your heart might say, Oh, no, that's what I've been doing.

I'm going to continue to answer your questions and your concerns throughout the year will introduce new guests to come and share the insight and wisdom they have. So whatever it is you need to do for 2021. Take out a notepad write down three things you would love to see for yourself in your own healing in your own thriving in your own personal development. What would you like to see for your emotional well being and resilience? write those down? And then take those three things.

Look at them. And ask yourself what do you need this year to accomplish those three things. You will find a lot of light and wisdom and insight in just doing that of kind of the direction that you need to go. Then take those things to God. Ask him what he thinks ask him to show you truth. Ask him to show you what you don't already know. So that you can see clear his perspective and what he has planned for you. And then take action choose into you make this year so healthy for you that you can continue to thrive. I hope to see you at this upcoming retreat. And I'd love to see you on zoom in a personal session. Have a great week. We'll be back on Monday with a full session topic and I'll see you next time.

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