Episode 52: Living Life on Purpose

Oh, I'm so happy to be back on the Choose In podcast so much has been going on since our last episode, which was aired in March, middle of March. So it's been a little while. But lots of great things are happening. If you listen to the last episode, Episode 51, I talked about a little bit of change things that I'm working on things that I'm learning, I am getting certified in breath work.

And that has just been phenomenal on what that has brought up for me and how my personal healing and growth and expansion of my mind and heart and just things that I know has just exploded. And I want to bring those things to you. So here we are, we're back in, I'm excited for what's coming, we are going to kind of dedicate this whole next portion of episodes, to living on purpose. And living on purpose. I don't know how that came to be.

It just sort of popped into my mind one day that we really need to be intentional about what we're doing, what we're thinking, how we're acting, our healing, our progress, our growth, everything. Because when we're living on purpose, we are doing things things are happening, there is change, there is a new enlightenment, there's new awareness. And every time we learn something new, we get excited, we feel good. We're like, look at me doing awesome things.

And I want that for you. I know that for me, every time I learn something new, I'm just blown away at how it feels. Now, in the moment of healing in the moment of learning in the moment of trying to figure out something new that we don't understand or get it is. Oh, it is so stressful and awful sometimes and crazy. And we think why are we even doing this? It's so uncomfortable. But in the uncomfortable when we take those pieces, and we we intentionally think about it going Okay, so here I am in this terrible place in thinking, why did I get back into this?

The weeds the mess, the jungle of death? Why did I go here again. And the reason is, is because we know that when we go through it, the other side is waiting. And that's a really important concept. Because the other side of learning is all that growth. We've talked about that before. We've talked about that with learning to ride a bike and learning how to drive and in everything we've learned, we know now that learning new things is like learning a new language, we get it that is so frustrating.

And it makes us feel like we can't do anything and that we're not capable. But every single time we keep going and we get through it, we are shown that we are capable that we can do it and that and look at what happens after the fact. We never want to go back. Once we've learned something, there is nothing that we don't want to like, go back and re learn or unlearn. Once we've learned it. That's that's how our body works. That's how our mind works on our heart. Everything's like that.

So what I want to talk to you about today is something that just happened to me that was so cool. It was just like, Okay, see, we we've got to do this and bring these things to people. So I'm I'm getting certified in breathwork. And I was doing a session just yesterday, where a well let me explain kind of breath work. Breath work, there's all different kinds. This one is kind of that they kind of call it revelation, breath work.

And it's not, I'm not doing anything, they're not doing anything when they're teaching me to heal me or anything like that the breath is what's working, my higher power is what's coming through. It's and so is my higher self. So they're just the guided person that's bringing me to this place so that I can allow this to happen for me. So that's what I'm learning to do so that I can do that for you.

So when it's called like revelation breathwork or regulatory breathwork it's not because I'm bringing you personal revelation, I can't do that for you, I can't heal you, I can't do anything, I can just offer you tools and ways to tap into what is already inside of you. And so that's kind of what this is and and there's lots of different modalities of doing breath. But this one is kind of specific and I will have to get more detailed as time goes on with with better definitions and things that make more sense but the smaller version way I can tell you is it's as if when you breathe and you're breathing through your nose, your breath is going through your head and in your bloodstream and everything.

And it's like, it's like activating your brain. So what we're wanting to do is we want to get out of our head and into our body, where our emotions are, which are kind of stored more in the stomach area. And so that's what this breath work is, this is breath work that is only through your mouth. And it's a certain pattern, it's not crazy, where you're going to hyperventilate, it's just very easy flow, very rhythmic. And when we do that, it takes the oxygen from going through our brain and down, and it keeps it down lower. And it sounds like that would be not good.

But, but it actually is completely safe. It's amazing. Obviously, if there's some health concerns, or if you are pregnant, this is not something that you would do. But we will go over that if you join a session at some point. But for now, basically, you're getting into the body so you can feel the emotions, the emotions want to stay hidden, they want to stay trapped, we have our our personal body guard that has like been in charge of making sure we're safe.

And so we have to kind of let that body guard know, we want to we want to get past you for a minute because we want to uncover the emotions, and we want to see what's hiding, so that we can heal it so that we can progress and move forward and all that. And when I say heal, I know not everybody has these major wounds that they know of. But there's things that hold us back that we don't even realize or know why. And when we do something like this and tap into that inner self, we can see some things. Oh, okay, I didn't realize that I felt that way before.

And that will make sense of why I feel this way today, or what why I'm doing the things I'm doing. And so I want to change that. So living on purpose is all about these kinds of intentions where we really want to learn something or know something. So yesterday in my breath work session, we were asked to think of an attention of what we want for that day. And I had a couple different ones that I wanted. And in that I was able to go back to my little tiny self.

So I'm doing the breath, it plays music and you're doing this rhythmic breathing, it brings you down into an emotion. And I saw this little visual of my little self, we'll call her little me. And I saw me at five years old now this experience is not something that actually happened like a, like a memory like that this is more of an all around feeling that I had. And so I'm standing in my family room as a five year old. And I am kind of just looking around, I'm standing still not going anywhere I can hear my mom doing dishes in the kitchen.

And the thoughts and feelings that came to me were, I am so alone. Nobody, nobody knows me. I feel unknown. I feel lonely in who I am. And that is something that I've carried over the over many years of sometimes feeling overlooked or not seen, or or not wanting to be known or understood. And so I was looking at this going, Okay, so I felt this as a child. And it's so interesting, because it brings up those thoughts and feelings and emotions. And so you cry, you're supposed to you're supposed to cry if you can, you're supposed to even scream if you can.

And I'm not to that point, I let out little tiny screams but I still have a block to probably back to this of being totally seen. And so in like that raw vulnerability form. So anyway, but as I was processing through, and paying attention to this little me of myself, I was able to kind of look at what that was and and what it felt like to me as a child. And I could the way it felt to me. So the way I took it in, even if this isn't even how it was because my parents were really great.

And we'll hear that a lot from people like kay, I don't want to say bad things about my parents because they really are great. Mine really are great. That doesn't mean that I don't have wounds because they didn't know what I needed. And even though I feel like I'm a great parent, My children are still going to have wounds that I didn't know they needed. And so I hope that my kids will do their work like this and find the things that I didn't do for them so that they can do them for themselves.

Now that's kind of the whole point. So so this is not about bashing parents. This is not about finding all their little flaws. This is about doing something where you can heal you and be in charge of you and you Or healing because nobody can do it for you. It just doesn't work that way, they can't go back and fix that of the belief I created back then. And so as I am in my family room and processing through this, the feeling I had about things, or that I, I was overlooked.

So I was overlooked in this way. I felt like, there was love in my home, there was kindness, there was goodness, I knew I was loved. I never doubted that piece. I didn't have abusive parents, both they weren't emotionally abusive, or mentally, they didn't yell and scream, they didn't hit they all those things that maybe some of you have experienced, I didn't experience that. But as that child, what I felt was, Nobody looked me in the eye for very long.

Like maybe like two seconds at a time, I didn't feel like somebody stood in front of me, had my shoulders or, or was looking at me to truly ask me, who I was what I liked what I didn't like, and I felt shy and wounded and alone. So I kind of closed up a little. And so I don't know for sure if I really would have been shy, had I known how to voice what I needed at the time, or had my parents just known what I needed. So my experience is probably completely different than my siblings, because I'm a different person. So as I am looking at this going, Wow, I have felt like I've been navigating my life on my own my entire life. And it started way back.

It started early. I remember I really wanted to do the monkey bars at school at the elementary school. But I was so afraid that I wouldn't know how to do it. And I might fall at all the other kids were so good at it, like the girls are just swinging all over the place, or the boys are hanging upside down. And I was so afraid that I wouldn't know how and I'm trying to think how would I figure out how to do this if there's nobody to help me. Now, I never asked my dad to come help me do the monkey bars.

I know for sure if I would have asked him he would have. He didn't know to ask me that. I think that they were like she's shy, she gets embarrassed, she probably doesn't want to do those things. But that was untrue. I didn't know how and I didn't want to look stupid. And so I chose not to learn how to do the monkey bars. And I remember feeling unseen and unheard and unknown. Like I didn't belong, I didn't have a place in this group, I didn't have a place in all the friends that went to the monkey bars at recess every day. And that was those feelings like, nobody knows me. Nobody knows what my desires are.

And nobody knows what my limitations are. And it kept going on always for years and years of feeling like does anybody really want to get to know me? As a person? Does anybody want to sit and ask me all the questions versus me asking them the questions. I started that super early on in my life, to divert the questioning to somebody else. So they would talk. And it's it served me well, because now I do what I do. And I love it so much. It's like my favorite thing ever, ever, ever. I love my job so much.

But it is interesting that it started way early on. And it started out as a protection, which then turned into a gift. So super grateful for it. But as I was looking at this little me and noticing those feelings of loneliness and noticing that I had that in relationships after that, and in my marriage, and both marriages and and then now currently married, I'm married to somebody that who does his healing work. And so we can communicate about these things. But it's in these moments where I'm like, wow, how does that connect to me today?

Well, it does in some ways. I have my safe group of friends over here. And I have people that know me over here. But there is some intimidation that I get sometimes on building some really deep friendships. It's scary to me because I'm not sure sometimes it's probably a worthiness thing or an enough thing, which that's all inner work stuff too, which I do that all the time. But it's kind of like okay, am I good enough to be that person's really close friend? Things like that right? Now, that's not exactly what it is. Because that's not exactly who I am.

But, but there's just these pieces that I'm that I'm uncovering. So it was so cool about this breathwork session is what I saw as I'm seeing this visual. I connected then myself now today, and I was able to go back and tell the little me that I I as her big self. I've always been with her. Even though we're young men and I'm old now I've always been with her so she was not alone in those situations that if she just turns her head and looks up I Right there, I was also able to share with her how cool it is that we took something that felt so hard and sad for us.

And we've turned that into what we do today. Look at where we came from, look at how sad you were then at five years old. But look at what we do. That is our job. Our job is I want to help as many people as possible, not feel alone in the journey in the journey to self discovery in the journey to to overcoming pain and sadness in in trying to navigate betrayal, trauma, in anything, it doesn't matter, knowing that someone's there that truly sees you and wants to is so validating.

And it was so cool to be able to kind of connect with her in that way to say we took something hard, and we made it into something that feels unbelievably amazing. That is what healing intentionally does for you. It connects those things. So as you keep going with this breathwork what's so cool after you come from the lows, and you're crying to the highs of feeling this connection, and this integration with the little me and the big me, so no longer separate, it's like this healed place, then you can see you can see your higher self, I am breathing through this, I'm loving all of this, I'm feeling so great.

And I'm I see my higher self holding my little me's hand and then they're looking at me telling me, you are not alone in this. We are here for you, we see you we know who you are, we know the good that you're doing. And we see you in so then again, it heals the wound again. On the other side, there is somebody or two people that truly know me. And it's cool. It might sound hokey or weird, or you're thinking I'll know about that. I agree. Because when I first started anything that was different, my natural response and instinct is to be like, ah, I don't think so.

But for me, I've just decided that there are so many things that I do not know that I've decided to just be open and try things and be like, Hey, you know what, I've never experienced that. But that doesn't mean I should make a decision about it. That doesn't mean I should have an opinion yet. I shouldn't say that's dumb. That's not gonna work. Because why would I know that? I don't know what I don't know. And I want to know, and I want to heal. And it was so amazing for me to go back and find that piece of me. Because it'll help me today.

It'll help me today in situations where I don't know people, I get a little nervous when I don't know people. I am I'm an introverted extrovert. So I like being around people. I like doing my job. And I love communicating. I love speaking. So that's all extroverted stuff. But there is the introverted side that I have to get through before I can actually do the extrovert stuff. So I have to go through the anxiety. And I have to go through that that scary feeling of, of being in a situation where I don't know people, I mean, silly things. I was just at my son's tennis banquet.

And I don't know any of the people last year was COVID. So we didn't play for this new school that we moved to. And so this year, he played but, but it was a freezing year. So everybody's bundled up in their chair, watching their own child, and then everybody leaves. And so I didn't get to know any of the parents. And so we're at this banquet. And I have I know, I'm going to feel unsure about things I know, I'm walking into this place of, I don't know any of these people, I have no idea what I'm doing. And it's kind of stressful.

My husband ran into somebody he knew, because he's lived in this area forever with his previous wife, and he knew somebody so they had all these things to talk about. And again, that moment of feeling like invisible little came to me. And that's why when I did this breathwork session, I was intentional about what is that I want to gain more understanding about what that feeling is of feeling and known not being known. And so that's why I did that. And it came. And that's what's so cool about healing is when we're intentional about it actually works.

It shows up and does something. Is it painful? Yes. Is it sad? Of course. And are you in the little murky water and the sludge of pain and uncomfortable feelings when you find that five year old self that is so lonely? Yes, it's terrible. I wanted to just hug that little child and I felt super like oh my goodness, there's children everywhere that that are feeling these thoughts and feelings and adults as well. But by sticking with it, and not breaking away from it by staying with the feelings, letting my body go through the uncomfortable things, my heart was racing, all these different things were happening.

I was able to move through and out the other side to this place of peace and healing and comfort and now that fight your old self no longer actually has those feelings. It's like it repairs the damage. It's like it goes back and heals those thought processes, because now they're healed today. So that means the connection from five years old to today at 49 years old, is, is okay. It's like it is, oh, I'm fine today. And I can look back and go, Oh, I'm Fine, then. So what heals a lifetime wound. It's pretty incredible. So those are the kinds of things that I want to bring to you.

And so this is what is coming, things like this. And I am going to be teaching this at my upcoming retreat. At the upcoming retreat, I'm going to do a breathwork session with everybody, we're going to do mindfulness things, we're going to find out the things that are keeping us from being our best selves. Why we feel unworthy to deserve different things and why we don't feel enough, there, there will be some questions that we're going to go in depth through so that we can then heal them and find them in the breathwork session, it will be an introduction to these new concepts if you haven't ever done them.

And if you have, you'll be kind of on the next the next stage for you. But because breathwork is so cool that I'm not the one healing you the breath is you will get to do your level, whatever level you are, whether you're a beginner, and I've never heard of it, whether you've heard of it, but haven't done it or whether you've done this a lot, or other kinds of things like this, you will be you will be right where you need to be because your breath is going to be the one that guides it, guide your body to find the piece that wants to be seen and heard.

Mine happened to be this because I had that little incident at the tennis banquet, where I felt oh my goodness, I'm uncomfortable. And I'm unknown. That's a big that's a big awareness. And that could be looked at like, why do you feel unknown, that's crazy. You do all this stuff, you do this podcast you do the retreat you have people that know you this is That's crazy. But it's an inner wound. That is a self conscious wound, right? It's something that we all struggle with that those little voices sometimes and all stems from belief systems that we've carried from our lifetime. So that's what I want to help you with. So at the retreat, we're doing that.

So there are, I think I might have said this at the beginning. But there are 25 spots for the retreat. 11 of them are taken, the retreat is in September, in St. George, Utah, at this beautiful beachfront house with Windows on all on the backside, it has its own pool, and then you walk out to the sand, it's gonna be incredible. So I want you to if you're feeling inspired, I want you to go and register. So you can save your spot, you can either pay in full, or you can pay a small down payment to just hold your spot, whatever feels most comfortable for you.

And then the rest of the money wouldn't be due till the end of July. So you have time. As soon as it's full, though it's full. So if you want to do that, if you also want to start kind of digging into this internal work, then go to the website and set up some sessions with me, because we can just get through it, we can start working on it, we can start uncovering those belief systems that you have, and help you start going through the murky water thing and get to the other side of freedom and feeling good. So the other thing that are coming up is I am interviewing people to be on the podcast. My first guest is going to be Geoff Steuer . He is out of St. George Utah.

I've talked about him before. I've been on his podcast, right before my book came out. So it's been a few years ago now. But he is so great. He spoke at my first retreat. He didn't speak of the last one. But he will be speaking again at this one in St. George in September. But he I'm recording with him in just a few days. And so in a few weeks, that one will be posted. But I have him and I have Adam Moore and Rhyll  Crowshaw.

And who else do I have? I have I have quite a few that are on my Oh Ryan Christiansen who was my counselor who you've heard about, and Jerry Jorgensen from desert solace. She's a great friend of mine, as well as other people that I've been on their podcast and other people that I haven't, but that we connected on social media and we just feel this connection. And so we're going to be interviewing different people about all sorts of things. In the healing and inner work type of field.

There is going to be a lot of talk about trauma, of course, and betrayal and my situation because it's betrayal because that's how I got started in this. There's a lot of connections to me with betrayal. And what I have found is a therapist or counselor or trauma coach who specializes in betrayal, trauma or addiction or anything of that nature. The tools are so deep they have to go so deep in their learning and understanding that it those tools cover everything they cover so many things.

I can be talking to somebody about something something completely different than betrayal, trauma. And these tools apply. And so you'll see that that's my focus a lot of the time. But that's not because that's the only type of people I work with. It's because the tools are phenomenal for everybody. And everybody should know these healthy skills and tools that will get them through their day to day lives, and uncovering the pieces that are holding them back. Because we don't want you to be held back.

We want to have you live your life on purpose, living your life on purpose, does that not just sound so powerful and empowering? Like, Yes, I can. I totally want to live my life on purpose like that feels so great. I want that for you. And I want to walk by you doing it because you are definitely not alone. I can totally help you do this. If you are ready, if you want to see clear, and I don't know how to get there. But I want to I can do that with you. So please reach out if that's what you are interested in right now. The website RoxanneKennedy-Granata.com.

Of course, as always, if you love listening to my podcast, people find them because you rate them. So if you'll rate it, that would be amazing. And then your friends can find it. I've had so many people that will say I was just looking up something online and it popped up of this podcast or a friend of mine told me about you or I saw that somebody liked your stuff, and it leads them and then they feel like like, Oh my gosh, I found my soul sister I found the person who gets it like people will say all the time, it's like we have the same veins.

It's like, it's like everything you said matched what I said now even though our stories are completely different. It's those feelings those emotion that deep work that says I didn't know how to explain that. But what she said is what I'm feeling, it is so validating to find that and to find a person that gets it. I am building a community of people who get it and it is it is so fun and so rewarding to watch you see yourself clearly and know that you're worth it. You are valuable and you are deserving of goodness you are deserving of healing and healthy relationships and a healthy self awareness of your own self. You really truly are. I'm so happy to be back and bring you some of these new things and I will see you next time.

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