Episode 9: Acting From a Place of Fear

0:35  
It is actually Saturday, March 14 right now that I am recording. This week is all about COVID-19 and the Coronavirus. And as you can hear, I've been sick as well, which is why I waited until today to record for Monday's podcast. I was trying to get my voice back. It doesn't look like it's all the way back. But you know, we need to talk. And I've been thinking a lot about everything that's gone on this week. And watching people react different ways. And really felt like it makes sense with the way we handle things and the way we think about things and the way we deal with things is based upon how we're doing inside our own selves and with our own issues and challenges that we are facing.

1:30  
I am sure that you have had your own feelings this week, as everything has kind of been shut down, groceries are flying off the shelves. And I don't have toilet paper in my house just just the bare minimum at the moment and hoping that I'll be able to find some or buy some in the recent future. But with that, how have you been feeling? How have you been doing with the chaos that's around you and the anxiety. I know I went into Costco.  I was sick. And then I went to the doctor got tested for the flus and the different flus and the virus and everything was negative, which was great.

2:11  
I started feeling better, besides losing my voice, and I gave myself an extra day. And then I thought you know what, I need some things. I need to go to Costco. I was really shocked. I had heard I knew everybody was out of toilet paper, I understood that. But I was shocked with how many people were out and about. So as I was looking around for a parking spot in Costco, you know, people were running around, they were running inside with their carts, people who were already done shopping, were running to their cars and throwing their stuff in to basically give their space up to somebody else to let somebody else get in. And it was really fascinating.

2:55  
I debated on whether to not just turn around and not go. But i thought you know what I kind of want to experience and feel what's happening out there. Now, on a good note, I went into Costco, thousands of people in there. It was it was so packed. I've never seen anything like it really, that you couldn't move your cart around, that the checkout line was all the way to the back of the store and had multiple lines, not just one. So it was it was really interesting.

3:26  
But the good parts were that people were super friendly and kind and it was like coming out of a sporting event where everybody's letting the next person merge in. And so it was nice to see there were people talking and laughing and joking with each other. That part was good. The part that was interesting was that people's carts were filled with so much stuff. And as I listened to them talk to the person next to them saying things like, Oh, I only came in for hi chew candy. That was it. And I ended up with all this stuff. Or I only came in because I had to buy diapers. And I saw everybody else doing all this shopping and I started kind of going oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm gonna miss out I better get some things.

4:16  
And I did fall into that. And with one thing. I went for frozen chicken and canned chicken. And as I walked by somebody's cart, they had like five of the they're not really cases because the chicken the canned chicken comes in a pack of six. And then they sit on a little box and I believe there's like five of those packs inside each box. Anyway, this person had like, five of these flats of these five or six sets all stacked up in their cart and I felt myself go Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, Is there gonna be any chicken and of course there was and I bought three of the six packs.

4:56  
So I ended up with 18 cans of chicken. Now I know that that's not going overbaord. But it is more than I planned to get. And I only got it, because I saw that person had so much. And so it made me feel: It just gave me a little frantic feeling for a second. So that's where I started looking at why I felt that way, and what was going on and noticing the people around me. Now my husband, he was at the grocery store, and he was listening to a woman so beside herself; just so upset, so stressed out, so just in a state of peril, really, she was talking about, you know, what if she dies? And what if she can't have this? And what if this doesn't happen and really living in fear.

5:50  
He said, his heart just broke it felt so he felt so sad for her. And so, like, how do we get that way to that point where we feel so fearful of the possibilities of something that hasn't even happened yet. His comment to me and sharing the story with me got me thinking. Thinking about what our body is trying to tell us? When we have strong reactions to something, when we are feeling in a fearful state, or out of control, or, just the unknown is making us feel crazy I guess, really, it's all fear, right?

6:33  
When we're living in that space and panicking because we see somebody else is gathering so much food, I better gather it too. Or everything is going to go down. And we live in that place of scarcity, that there's never gonna be enough again, what is going on with us? And I started thinking about my own therapy, and my own ways of thinking, and when was it that I felt that same way? So if you're feeling that way, if that is your experience, and you have been feeling fear, and sadness and pain and an unknown, and so much anxiety that, that you're not sure how to handle all of this, that's okay.

7:15  
It is your body's way of showing you what wounds you have, that you need to heal. what things are bothering you. What kinds of things: why are you fearing something? It doesn't matter what it is even aside from the grocery stores and things like that. What is it that we're fearing? When I look at my own therapy, and I go back to living in the chaos of finding out about my ex husband's addiction, and then trying to navigate through it and live in it and figure out if he's telling me the truth or not, I went into a place of panic where I became hyper vigilant. Where I was going to be the one to make sure that he was doing what he should that he wasn't lying. And I was going to control the situation.

8:04  
I went into that mode of basically just like what people are doing, grabbing everything off the shelves and putting it in their cart to create some sort of safety. I was doing the same thing with trying to navigate through addiction. And I was doing it by not stacking groceries, but stacking on work. What was I in charge of? What could I do to control the situation and somehow feel not so frantic? And that's what I was doing.

8:35  
So I was looking at his phone, I was monitoring Computer History, I had all the software on our computers to to block things and, so that he wouldn't be looking at things. I was going to all of our meetings and I was taking notes, and I was visiting my church temple to be okay, okay, what am I going to do next? I was praying every second of the day. Whether it was on my knees or in my car, in my bathroom, or in my closet, it didn't matter. There was a prayer going in my head, almost every second of the day. I was in constant survival mode, constant panic mode, of if I miss something, then somehow it's dire. And it will be my fault because I wasn't prepared.

9:20  
And I started looking at this concept of fear and acting in a way that we wouldn't have acted yesterday had these things not happened. And so I looked at it of how did I get myself out of that place where I was living in constant fear or with anxiety because of the unknown? And I thought about all the therapy I'd done. I thought about how I was living in that place of panic when I would go in to see my counselor Ryan. I would talk about how panicked I was, and I don't know how to do this and and this is what I'm doing and I give him my list of everything that I'm doing. I was not living In the present moment.

10:00  
When we are fearing so much that we are making choices based on future possibilities, when we are running around pushing our shopping carts all over the place, when I am running around my house, trying to make sure that I have not missed one thing about this addiction, that I'm taking on the whole weight of the world. I'm taking on the weight of my household. I'm taking on the weight of somebody else's choices and addiction, like somehow I have control. It's the same place if we're doing the same thing in our lives and other areas.

10:36  
This Coronavirus thing is kind of showing us you can look at it go Wow. Okay, how am I feeling about that? am I acting irrationally? Or am I feeling prepared? Am I buying things that feel like it feels good so I feel like I'm doing what I need to do? Or am I buying out of state of panic and unknown? There's nothing wrong with any of them. This is not about if someone's doing it right or wrong. We're all doing it just the best that we can. And it's just an awareness.

11:07  
If we do our whole life like this, if we look at our lives in a state of awareness, we're going to be able to learn and grow and see what it is we need help with. What it is we need to work on. Usually our fears, show us our wounds. So if we have a fear of not having enough food, we might be able to associate that back at another time in our lives, when maybe we didn't have enough food or enough money, or we didn't have stability. Maybe our family members weren't stable for us so we didn't feel safe.

11:40  
Maybe as a young child, maybe as an adult, maybe not feeling safe, has now shown itself in other areas. So can we be living in the present and be worried? Of course, I think we can. If we have young children, if we have older parents, if we are an older individual, and we have health concerns, then absolutely we would feel worried about the possibilities. Can we do some things to make sure that we're taking that worry, and we're handling it and coping with it with positive coping skills? Do we have the right coping skills? Or are we finding that we feel frantic? Like we want to stockpile and get everything?

12:28  
Is that gonna keep us from getting the virus just because we're stockpiled? Right? So  we can't control anything. Now what does feel good is when you come home and you've got all your your new groceries all stacked up, it feels good. I know when I got my chicken, and I put it in the freezer, and I got the things that I needed. Just the fresh things that I needed for the week. It felt good, I felt prepared, I felt positive. And I felt like I was doing my part. I felt like I was being aware of the situation not blind to the situation, not discounting it, and also not making it into something that isn't yet.

13:07  
So there is positive things in going out and doing something extra or doing something that you need to do. This is the same with the challenges in our life. Are we going out and doing the work we need to to feel positive to feel like we're doing our part to feel like we are learning how to cope or manage our situation? Or are we running around frantic like I was years ago in trying to manage and control everything around me and somebody else.

13:39  
This opportunity of watching the world kind of school shuts down and and events are canceled. And we have all this extra time now to see and feel and notice what we're thinking and how we're doing. Where are we at? What is it that is coming up for us? This is a great time to become self aware and use the time to do what we need to do to navigate through whatever it is that we are feeling. If your initial thought is to kind of go towards shame, and think that Oh no, I did it wrong. I felt like I was the crazy person running around with my cart, putting everything in it. There's no reason to go to shame.

14:25  
There's no reason at all to even think badly of yourself. Really you were going off something that you were trying to do good things and what you did, because now you have a lot of things at your house. Anytime we want to go to shame, if we can stop that thinking and say there's no need for me to go to shame. This is just awareness. My body is responding to something. What is it? What is it that I am fearing? Or what is it that is not healed inside of me? It's really a gift. It's a gift for us to be able to see what's going on with us why we're feeling that way.

15:04  
So look that. Look at what's going on with you? Look at what your life experiences ar., What's going on in your life, in your marriage, in your relationships in your job, that causes you to feel anxious, or fearful or sad, or any any emotion. And see what your body's trying to tell you. And then take some time to work on it and figure it out and see what you can do.

15:28  
My energy worker, a few of us in my family use her, and she was teaching a couple of my family members, this concept, and I just love it so much. It's not a way that I've heard before. So you know how we've been taught to talk to ourselves and give ourselves affirmations. Right? I am strong, and I am powerful. And I am this. That is true. We are those things. And that is so great. What she was teaching us was that when our mind is saying that out loud, our subconscious naturally says No, you're not. No, I'm not. That's not true. And it fights it.

16:09  
Changing our thinking, changing our way of saying the words, helps us. So what she's taught us is to say, What if, I am strong? What if, I am brave? What if, I'm going to be okay, during this virus? What if, I am able to make it through? What if, I believed that there is going to be enough food? What if, I believe that everything is going to be okay? What if, I end up being okay? And what that does is it lets our subconscious just kind of soften, and it can take it in and then we can actually feel and believe the things that we're trying to affirm ourselves for.

16:53  
We want to train our minds to be acting from a sound mind; not acting out of fear. We don't want to be making decisions from our irrational space. The space that says Do or die, all or nothing, black or white. That is scarcity, thinking and it's extreme. So we want to be able to come from a place of sound mind. And so by talking to ourselves, with what if I'm going to be okay, what if the shelves of the store get restocked? What if I'm going to have enough food? What if I don't get the virus, things like that. We want to feed our mind with the things that are filled with peace.

17:40  
Still, you want to stay in reality. This is happening. Obviously, the schools are closed. Our events are canceled. That doesn't mean we have to now freak out and panic and go off the deep end. Are we nervous? Probably. Are we worried about what's going to happen to our families? Maybe. But take that. Take that calm feeling. You can have that fear and that unknown and take that to God. He's going to have a hard time calming your fears and your nerves if you're working from a place of scarcity. And if you're coming from a place of all is lost, like in that panic state.

18:24  
It's hard for us to hear him when we're in that panic state. When I was rushing around my house every day, getting up in the morning. Okay, now what now? What am I supposed to do? Okay, okay, I got to do this. K, do I need to check this and looking in his drawers to see what I can find. You know, the thing is, is I did find stuff, there were times that I did find things. And other times I just made myself crazy. But I was not working out of a place of contentment.  

18:53  
I was working out of a place of I need to find evidence so that I know that I have a right to be feeling the way I do. Where I have a right to be feeling the way I do without any evidence at all. And that's the place I had to learn to get to. I had to be able to act rationally. I had to be able to let someone else have their choices. And me make my choices based on what somebody else is either doing or not doing, watching and waiting and then deciding, Hey, you know what, however you're living, whether you're telling me the truth or not, I'm not sure but I don't feel good.

19:28  
You're not treating me right. And therefore I need to make a different decision for myself. As I took those things to God, He showed me. He brought me the tools. I was introduced to Ryan because my husband had gone to rehab. And he happened to be the therapist there. I didn't know him before. And then I was introduced to Jennece, my energy worker because I walked into my chiropractor's office. He said, Hey, I'm supposed to tell you about this girl that I've been using for energy work. I'm like, What, well how long have you been using her? And he said six months. I said, and you're just now telling me. And he said I was I just felt like I should right now all of a sudden.

20:09  
The thing was, is that I was not really familiar with energy work before. I had done some with somebody before. I didn't even realize that's what it was, though. So it was new for me. After I thought, Okay, well, I'll try or once and if it feels weird to me, or if it feels, I'm very sensitive to spiritual things, I don't want any darkness or anything that feels borderline evil, or coming from the wrong the wrong side. And so I thought, Okay, well, I'll try once, and then I'll just see how I feel. And it's been life changing. And that was in 2014. And here we are, and I still use her and so does my family.

20:41  
I was given her because he was prompted to tell me, and that's how God works. He brings people into our lives to help us when we need it, so that we can learn how to cope. So we don't have to be breaking down in the grocery store, like this woman, when my husband's at the store. He just felt so bad for her. She was seriously so heartbroken and so nervous. And the tools that we can be given to get through our pain doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter if we're operating from a place of fear, we have pain and wounds and things that we need help with. And God can show you.

21:21  
He can show you what you need to do, who you need to talk to, what books you need to read, what you need to listen to, so that you can be healthy so that when something like this happens in the world, or in your life personally, you will be able to sit back, see it for what it is that be in a place that is calm, and being able to say okay, I feel nervous, I feel fearful. But what is it that I need to do that I actually need to do to make myself feel better? Not just trying to control a situation. And he's going to show you. That's just what he does.

21:56  
He wants to protect us and he wants to show us how. He's not going to change it or save us from it. He's not going to take the virus away. He's not going to take your family members addiction away. He's not going to take your trials away or your weaknesses away. But he is going to show you how to navigate through them, how to get through them, and how to feel at peace while they're going on. So in these moments when you are feeling frantic, and you can catch yourself and say, Hey, okay, I was feeling really panicked or irrational. What is it that I need? What do you have to help yourself?

22:33  
Do you have a meditation you use? Do you have words you say or scriptures you read, to get a sense of balance, again, to ground yourself. If you don't, this is a good time for you to do that. While things are closed, while you don't have as many commitments, there's not sports for your children, if maybe you're going to be working from home now, it's a possibility. If you work in the health field, or in the grocery stores, you don't have all of that time yet, because you guys are going to be bombarded with all of the rest of us that are coming in frantic to see you.

23:09  
We appreciate so much the grocery stores and the workers and hours spent that are just over and above what you are used to doing. I can't even imagine trying to fill your shelves every second and people asking you questions, and you just don't have the answers. And then the health care workers who are gearing up for all of us who are sick and wondering if we have the virus and then and then not having room. So for you guys, I hope that you have a support system, whether it's with each other to talk it out.

23:42  
If not, and those of you who aren't in that situation and do have a lot more free time coming up with all these cancellations, I advise you to figure out a meditation. I love the app Calm. A lot of people use that. I believe it used to be where you could have a free trial of it for a year and then they charge you. But there are so many meditations on there. If that's not the case anymore, on YouTube you can find some. But get something that when you start feeling your heart race, even the little heart race that I felt in Costco when I saw the person with all the chicken, and I thought oh, I better get some of that.

24:21  
What is it that you have that can call you and remind yourself when you've become aware? Oh, I just went into that mode of freak out or I better hurry that thing of if I don't do it now I will miss out. That's that's based on fear and God doesn't put fear into us like that. So what is it that you can do to calm yourself? Doing an app like, the calm app has a five minute 10 minute 1520 has an hour has all different kinds. But you might find something in that or in another app that helps you remember Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I don't want to run my life from a place of fear or scarcity.

25:04  
I want to run my life from a place of abundance. There will be enough. W will be okay. Everything is always okay in the end. And yes, that doesn't mean lack of trials. But if we come from a place from peace, then we're going to feel so much better. If you are feeling good. If you were already in a calm state of mind, and this has not rattled you, maybe since you've already kind of worked through or learned in other past scenarios, how to cope with things, maybe you can help other people. Maybe you can reach out to friends and family and neighbors and see how they are doing.

25:45  
Maybe you can offer them support, listen to what their fears are, listen to what their challenges are, and not condemn them for them; just hear them and listen and love and then offer what you do to remain calm. What helps you in those times of struggle. Or how you're feeling about it. And maybe just offer support. Maybe if you do have a lot of toilet paper or hand sanitizer, or soap, or milk or waters or bread, maybe you can share with somebody who may be feel stressed that they didn't have any.

26:15  
I was reading online about a woman who was in the line at the grocery store and she was talking to the woman ahead of her behind her. That person had a child with them. And and they were just talking and the one lady said, Hey, did you get everything you needed? And she goes, Oh, pretty much. But there just wasn't any bread left. And the lady reaches into her cart and says here, take one of mine. The lady had bought just two loaves. So she wasn't going overboard or anything.

26:43  
But she offered to share what she had with somebody else. And the woman that was receiving this loaf of bread, she said, you know at first I would say no, no, no, no, don't worry about it, it's totally fine. Like you have it. And then she looked at her child there. And she thought you know what, what a gift, her child is seeing that their mom is giving up their loaf of bread for another person. So maybe if you're feeling good, maybe you can see what you have, what extras of anything or just checking in on your neighbors, and your friends and family and offer support and love.

27:19  
Not judgment, not anything else, but love. And and those of you who aren't feeling good and who have felt a lot of stress and are losing sleep and are feeling sick because of it, maybe you can write a list. Write down what's bothering you. Write down all of your fears. And then find an app that you can meditate to. Call a friend that you feel isn't having the same reaction as you and maybe see if they can hear you and listen to you. Pray about a safe person you can talk to so that they can be available and have that space for you. So they don't they're not judging you. Because there's no reason to but but we all come with our limitations. So pray about who to talk to.

28:01  
Pray about what to say. Pray to God with your list and say, help me feel confident in these things and show me what I need to do for myself to gain that confidence. He doesn't always just give us the confidence or give us the peace. He wants us also to do something so that we know how to gain it on a regular basis. So use the apps or something else. And then know that as you're doing those things and if you really are frantic about something that you're missing, maybe reach out to family and friends and say, Hey, I don't have any milk or I could not find this one thing that I really feel like I need, does anybody have it? And see what happens.

28:44  
It's really amazing to watch how even though people panic and there's craziness, and people are stealing toilet paper out of people's carts, then in the end, when everything kind of starts coming down, then humanity comes out. And then everybody wants to share and there's enough and people are giving and kind and friendly. There's always going to be the ones who aren't. There's the ones who bought all of it to sell it online to make a profit. And then there's people that are going without. But there's always good in the world.

29:14  
You can also be that good in the world. You can also share your struggle, ask for help. And also learn the tools to see what is it that you are not coping with? And how come. What is it that you're in need of? What earlier wound is not healed for you, whether it's abandonment, or just not the feeling of not being safe or whatever. Go to counseling and figure out that because this is such a great opportunity. This chaos in the world brings out the issues that we're having inside of our soul. And it's cool because we can look at it go wow, that just got uncovered. I had no idea. I had so much fear around that. So instead of it being a negative, look at it as a positive that it's bringing out something so that we can heal it.

30:00  
Because every time we heal something, the burden is lifted. We become free. It's like, Ah, this is such a relief. I feel so much better. And this chaos, the shutting down of so many things, can feel awful. But it can also feel like a benefit. It can also be used as a restart. It can also be used as a grounding thing. Okay, Okay. We're living in a chaotic state of being just in general. We're running around ragged with all the sports and events and now we don't. So what are we going to do? We can take this time with our families. We can set goals. We can spend time together. We can listen to each other, hear each other's feelings and fears and validate each other and enjoy each other's company more than we had before.

30:51  
Maybe we can turn off social media for a while and really connect with those around us. And it might be a huge benefit. Because usually when something bad happens, there's always something good alongside of it, if we choose to open our eyes to it and see it and if we choose to accept it in and realize that we have a choice to make. Which side are we going to feed? The fearful side, or the feeling abundance side, which is the gratitude side. I know this is a hard time for everybody I really wanted to get on and just remind you that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

31:30  
Whether you're feeling good or whether you're not, so many around you are feeling the exact same way. There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You're doing a good job. You're doing just fine. And just recognize it and be kind to yourself, and love yourself and be gentle with yourself. And also choose into doing the work that's ahead of you so that you can feel free and you can feel happy. commit yourself to choosing in this week, commit to doing the work that you need to in order to change the dynamic of what's going on in your personal lives or with your families.

32:04  
Use this time that the world is slowing down to add good things that can benefit you and your life and your relationships and your emotional health and your physical health, your mental health and do those things so that this will be a blessing to you and you can look back on this time that were a part of and realize the gifts that it actually brought you and not just the the pain that was surrounding it. You are strong and brave and courageous. I know you can do this and I know you can continue to move forward to find joy and happiness and we will see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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